Saturday, October 02, 2004

I can't forgive myself

I was only married for 5 days when my husband Michael passed away this Monday. He died from what had started as a suspicious mole on his back that was ignored by the doctors for too long, even after repeated requests to have it removed. By the time they took any notice it had already spread to his lymph nodes. I kick myself daily for not intervening. Michael didn’t want me to; he said he could handle it. He always valiantly defended the rights of others but was never particularly assertive when it came to defending his own.

We actually thought, three months ago, that this “thing” was beaten. He had been given the “all clear” and was supposed to go back and see his doctor on September 29. (He died two days before then!) All through August he was calling them because he felt so sick, but they wouldn’t see him, they were “too busy” with new patients. They told him to go and see his GP to help with the side effects of the anti-cancer drugs he was taking.

By the time I finally intervened and called his oncologist and demanded a closer appointment…. it turned out to be too late. His oncologist said “Michael, you should have come to see me sooner”. This was after he had called them half a dozen times to try and bring his appointment forward. It wasn’t the anti-cancer drugs that were making him sick, it was the fact that they weren’t working at all and the cancer had come back with a vengeance. It had already spread to his liver and right lung. My Michael was dead two weeks after that appointment.

I simply cannot forgive myself for not stepping in sooner.

2 Comments:

Blogger Barbarella said...

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January 27, 2005 at 12:16 PM  
Blogger Barbarella said...

HI!
Please, visit my blog.
Or visit this
http://astartheinbloom.blog.com

January 27, 2005 at 12:19 PM  

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