Monday, October 11, 2004

2 Weeks Already

It's been 2 weeks since my Michael died. I thought things would get "easier" after the funeral and all the fuss had died down. It just doesn't get easier though, does it?

We had just moved into the area 3 months ago, so no friends locally, no people we know close by. This was our fresh start. We both had new jobs and Michael had a big promotion to bring him here. We were also tied into a 2-year, capped, fixed term mortgage. If I leave here now it will cost me a fortune in penalties. Plus I couldn't afford to buy a new place on my salary alone.

There are no casseroles on our doorstep, counsellors that were meant to have called me haven't. I was meant to go back to work this morning but I couldn't step out the door. Two weeks ago, this minute, Michael was taking his last breath.

There were so many people around before and after the funeral, but the next day everyone was gone, and now I am alone in our house. I miss him so terribly and can't stop crying.

Everyone at the funeral complimented me on "how well I was coping" and that I would be “feeling better soon”. Coping? I am functionless. Better?!? I will never be better.

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